Thursday Miscellany: Dexter

And by "Dexter" I mean our dog, not the cable show serial killer. Although our dog was in fact named after the cable show serial killer, so I'll accept either answer. Good old Dex. This dog tries my patience like nothing else I've ever known, and I'm a person with huge patience reserves.

He lays in wait for his prey. Then he gets sleepy and has a nap.

When we were considering what sort of dog to get for our family, the most important attributes were playfulness (for the kids) and loyalty (for me). After much reading (on the part of my husband; I don't research things so much as I make rash decisions based on emotional reactions) we decided a Boxer would be ideal for us. This is an excerpt from the Boxer entry on Wikipedia:

"Boxers are a bright, energetic and playful breed and tend to be very good with children."

Well, how perfect does that sound?? Immediately after that bit, and which we somehow managed to either not read at all or immediately forget, is this:

"They are active and incredibly strong dogs and require adequate exercise to prevent boredom-associated behaviors such as chewing, digging, or licking. Boxers have earned a slight reputation of being "headstrong," which can be related to inappropriate obedience training."

Incredibly strong dogs. I cannot emphasize enough how true that is. Dexter has the strength of an ox, and he regularly outruns my husband, when my husband is on a bike.  This dog is a machine. He has eaten several pairs of my shoes, but only the expensive ones, so at least we know he has good taste. He digs in the yard like a backhoe, but only in very discreet parts of the yard, so you won't really notice it until you step in one of his holes and snap an ankle. He also goes completely deaf when he gets excited, so all those commands you spend hours teaching him will be rendered useless the exact moment you really need to use them.

The Boxer sites also fail to mention that they REALLY
like to stick their faces in your face. Like, a LOT.

Also, and I don't know how this isn't the first thing all those Boxer websites mention, Boxers are GOOFY. And I don't mean in an adorable way. I mean that if you spend twenty minutes watching a Boxer interact with anyone or anything, you will raise an eyebrow and declare that this dog ain't right.  Dexter does things that not only don't make any dang sense, but also make him look like a special kind of idiot. ALL THE TIME.

In fact, my sister emailed this gif to me recently, with a message that if we had stairs at our house THIS IS WHAT DEXTER WOULD DO:

Because he's so weird and everyone knows it. And so are ALL THE BOXERS. And yet, we've never even considered trying to find him a new home. Because he loves our kids SO MUCH, and they love him.

So. I guess we'll keep the little monster. Before you professional dog trainers tell me that it's our fault he's such a space-cadet, trust me when I tell you I KNOW it's our fault. Consistency is key, and we don't really provide much. We've tried some obedience methods with limited success, and we're currently trying another system that promises super-ultra-maxi results. If it works, I'll link it here for anyone else with a "special" dog.

Until then, I've bought a shoe rack that he can't reach.